Roast My Room

1. Go to cloudflare.com → Sign up and create an account on the Free plan.
2. No credit card is needed for what you'll use: Workers (your key-keeper) and Pages (your hosting).
3. Verify your email when the confirmation arrives — Workers won't deploy until you do.

1. In Stripe, go to Payment Links → New payment link.
2. Create a product: "The Glow-Up Plan", one-time price $9.00. Description: "Your full room fix-it plan — what to buy, in what order, with links."
3. On the confirmation setting, use a message like: "Payment received — your Glow-Up Plan is on its way to your inbox."
4. Copy the buy.stripe.com/… link and keep it with your API key note. It goes into the site config in Step 5.

1. In Cloudflare, go to Workers & Pages → Create → Worker, name it roast-api, and deploy the starter.
2. Click Edit code, delete what's there, paste the script below, and Deploy again.
3. Go to Settings → Variables and Secrets → Add: type Secret, name OPENAI_API_KEY, value = the key from Step 1. Save and deploy.
4. Copy your Worker URL — it looks like https://roast-api.<your-name>.workers.dev. That's the third thing for the Step 5 config.

What this script does: it receives the room photo from your site, sends it to the vision model with your hidden key, and returns the roast (a savagery score, the roast text, and the top fixes that become the free teaser for the paid plan).

// Roast My Room — key-keeper Worker
// Holds your OpenAI key as a secret so it never appears in the web page.
// Set the secret in: Worker → Settings → Variables and Secrets → OPENAI_API_KEY

const SYSTEM_PROMPT = `You are the Roast My Room engine: a brutally funny,
affectionate interior-design critic. You roast the room in the photo like a
stand-up comic who secretly wants it to succeed. Never be cruel about the
person, only the room. Return ONLY valid JSON in exactly this shape:
{
  "score": 0-100 (100 = magazine-perfect, 0 = crime scene),
  "headline": "one savage one-liner about the room",
  "roast": "3-4 sentences of comedy roasting specific visible details",
  "fixes": ["fix 1", "fix 2", "fix 3"]  // the 3 highest-impact fixes
}`;

export default {
  async fetch(request, env) {
    const cors = {
      "Access-Control-Allow-Origin": "*",
      "Access-Control-Allow-Methods": "POST, OPTIONS",
      "Access-Control-Allow-Headers": "Content-Type",
    };
    if (request.method === "OPTIONS") return new Response(null, { headers: cors });
    if (request.method !== "POST") return new Response("POST only", { status: 405, headers: cors });

    const { image } = await request.json(); // base64 data URL of the room photo
    if (!image) return new Response(JSON.stringify({ error: "No image provided" }),
      { status: 400, headers: { ...cors, "Content-Type": "application/json" } });

    const res = await fetch("https://api.openai.com/v1/chat/completions", {
      method: "POST",
      headers: {
        "Content-Type": "application/json",
        "Authorization": `Bearer ${env.OPENAI_API_KEY}`,
      },
      body: JSON.stringify({
        model: "gpt-4o-mini",
        response_format: { type: "json_object" },
        messages: [
          { role: "system", content: SYSTEM_PROMPT },
          { role: "user", content: [
            { type: "text", text: "Roast this room." },
            { type: "image_url", image_url: { url: image } },
          ]},
        ],
      }),
    });

    const data = await res.json();
    const roast = JSON.parse(data.choices[0].message.content);
    return new Response(JSON.stringify(roast),
      { headers: { ...cors, "Content-Type": "application/json" } });
  },
};

The site reads everything it needs from one small config. Fill in the three values you've collected — your affiliate tag stays PENDING until Step 8, and the plan works fine without it (links just don't pay you yet).

const CONFIG = {
  // Step 4: your key-keeper Worker URL
  workerUrl: "https://roast-api.YOUR-NAME.workers.dev",

  // Step 3: your $9 Glow-Up Plan payment link
  stripeLink: "https://buy.stripe.com/YOUR-LINK",

  // Step 8: affiliate tags — fill in as each program approves you
  affiliateTags: {
    amazon: "PENDING",
    wayfair: "PENDING",
    walmart: "PENDING"
  }
};

Send the filled-in config back and the site gets wired to your accounts — or drop it into the site build directly if you're deploying it yourself in Step 6.

1. In Cloudflare, go to Workers & Pages → Create → Pages → Upload assets.
2. Name the project roast-my-room and upload the site files. Deploy.
3. Your site is live at roast-my-room.pages.dev — open it, upload a photo of your own room, and take the first roast yourself.

Never launch — or apply for affiliates — with an empty site. Generate 20–30 roasts yourself first: your rooms, friends' rooms, volunteers from r/malelivingspace and roast-me communities, who will happily hand you content. This batch does double duty: it's the content Amazon's reviewers need to see in Step 8, and it's your first week of posts when the launch comes.

1. Amazon Associates first — apply with your live pages.dev URL. They review the real site, and yours now has content on it: the seeded roasts from Step 7.
2. Then Wayfair and Walmart affiliate programs — same pattern, generally faster approvals.
3. As each approval lands, paste the tag into the config (Step 5) and redeploy. From that moment, plan links pay you — and then you run the 7-day launch below.